Dealing With the Suicide of a
Loved One!
By Evangelist Diana Gray
Copyright (c) 2002 All Rights
Reserved
If you're
reading this message than you know of someone who committed suicide or
you yourself have a loved one that has committed suicide. Whichever
the case, I pray that this writing will help you understand a little better
what has been happening and how you may be feeling.
I know that
this has been a hard situation and people always seems to ask themselves
why did this have to happen? I can give you one bit of comfort in
all of this hurt........ If a person at the moment before death was
sorry and repented asking God to forgive them that they WOULD BE FORGIVEN!
Most likely if a person choose death because they were sad and depressed
and at the last minute they might have repented, (felt sorry and asked
the Lord to forgive them,) God would have forgive them. The Lord
is kind and would have forgiven any sin even though they took their own
life. The sad part is that when this happens it leaves a number of
people left behind who are having to deal with the pain of loss.
Nothing, not even death can ever take away the love that the Lord has for
us.
Psalms
86:4-7 Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift
up my soul. For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous
in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. Give ear, O LORD,
unto my prayer; and attend to the voice of my supplications. In the
day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.
Depression
and sadness can make the strongest of us consider doing things that we
normally wouldn't do like suicide. NO one knows if at the very
last
minute repentance was voice to the Lord. It could have happened!
Most people really don't want to hurt themselves but only strive to make
the pain go away and the next thing you know they ended their life.
I am so sorry that you maybe going through some pretty rough stuff.
Take comfort in the knowledge that they may have repented and asked
Jesus to save them at the last second before death. The Lord is so
full of love and would have forgiven them. My special friend,
please hold that to your heart and let it bring comfort to you. You
really and truly don't know and won't know until you yourself get to Heaven.
Rom. 8:37-39
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved
us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities,
nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor
depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love
of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This has been
such a hard blow to take and I know the questions still keep coming.
Maybe you are asking yourself, "Why would this person whom I loved commit
suicide? Was there anything that I could have done to have prevented
it?" My friend, we can't change anything that has already happened
and we have to move forward in our lives, hard as that may sound.
It's
rough when life seems to have fallen in on us. Human life keeps
going on around us like the television, radio, people working and living
their lives. Why can't they see that something terrible has happened
and that the whole world should stop what they are doing and notice the
hurt in your heart? Life feels so painful and the shock of it all
is so very real.
It seems
so strange that since your life may have come to an abrupt standstill
with all that has happened, theirs has not! The rest of the world
should do the same and come to a standstill too, but it doesn't does it?
How strange that life keeps going on as if nothing had happened when it
did. It did, it really did happen and you maybe be feeling upset
over it all! That's normal and my heart goes out to you.
We all get to feel these kinds of feelings to some degree or the other
when things like this have happened. Shock and hurt does that to
people because the inner, emotional pain is hard to handle but not impossible.
This too will pass in time and life will resume normalcy soon enough.
In time all
of this hurt will pass and the good memories of your loved one will take
the place over all of the sadness. It took me 3 years to get over
my mother's death and so allow yourself some time to heal. Some people
can get over someone dying in 3 months and others like me took 3 years.
(Mother died of cancer and so I understand all of the emotions that a person
goes through when a loved one dies. Her death for me was a nightmare
and I thought I would never get passed the hurt but I did and you will
too.) Allow yourself some time to cry. Yes, men cry too,.......even
Jesus cried and He understands what you are feeling, man or woman.
Death
has a way of touching all of us one way or the other. Allow yourself
time to grieve and experience the pain of this loss in your life.
Grieving and crying is really good for you and the quicker you allow these
emotions to surface the quicker the pain of it all will be behind you.
Letting yourself feel the anguish not suppressing it will become easier
over time. Depression, anger, shock, guilt and finally acceptance
is all part of the grieving process. This is normal and natural as
it allows you to move on. You can do all of this by talking and sharing
it with the Lord. It helps to talk to friends and other loved ones
too. A friend or Pastor is most helpful at times like these to help
you sort through some of the negative thoughts and emotions.
1 Thess. 5:9-11 For
God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord
Jesus Christ, Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should
live together with him. Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and
edify one another, even as also ye do.
Watch
your health; daily lifestyle patterns may need to include healthy food,
plenty of sleep but not too much (keep an eye on your weight) and
exercise is very important during times like this. The stress of
all that has happened can take it's toll on a person's body allowing the
devil to attack with sicknesses and poor health. More than ever you
need to watch the way you treat your body. Consider vitamins and
fruits too as a way to fight off potential problems. The last thing
you need is sickness to overwhelm an already difficult situation.
If there is
a feeling of incompleteness and unfinished business with the person who
has passed on, try writing your thoughts and feelings down in a letter.
Go ahead and vent your anger, upset, hurt feelings, disappointments, joys,
happy times or unfinished business still left unresolved. Mail them
to a friend or someone like someone in ministry who is a loving, understanding
person. Unexpressed feelings can really be released this way as you
strive to bring closure to your relationship.
If you
begin to realize that you have some pent up, unresolved anger "get off
away by yourself," set a couple of pillows in a chair and imagine
that the person who has died is there with you. Yell and vent your
feelings as if the person were sitting in front of you. It's ok
to cry if you feel like it or get mad, no one will see and you will feel
better in the long run. ( Tears after all are the seeds which after falling
grow new flowers of hope in our hearts.) Allow your feelings, tears
and thoughts to be voiced. This is such a release of pent up feelings
and emotions. This is far better than taking negative responses out
on those around you. Afterwards when you feel you have said everything
you needed to release and vent out.......say "Goodby," if you haven't
yet done so and, "I forgive you for leaving me. I loved you and will
miss you but I will always have you in my heart." Some people need
to do this once and others several times but it helps you to let go.
When
my mother died I cried everyday until I finally decided that it was time
that I set a room aside for me and once a day would go into it to cry.
I found that after 10-15 minutes I was fine for the rest of the day.
Crying released my hurt and disappointment that she was gone. For
me this was healing and helped me to get past all of the hurt. Now
I remember things but it no longer hurts. Oh I still miss her and
a twinge will come once in awhile but the terrible grief is gone and your
grief will eventually be gone too as you work through these feelings.
You will always remember but the worst of the hurt will be in the past
with time.
Whatever
you do, don't hide the hardship you are going through from your friends
and family. When you loose someone you love it hurts and is very
painful. Memories can be sad but in time they will soften.
Be real with your feelings and emotions. The pain is real and
people around you may feel awkward talking to you so open up and share
with them your thoughts and memories. Listen to others share their
hurts with you too because while you are talking about what's happened
to you it may trigger memories in their lives as well. God healed
Job's life in the Bible when he began to pray for his friends! Gain
strength by realizing that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts.
Allow people to validate your feelings as you validate others as well.
This healthy acknowledgment is really good for you. In time you will
remember your love and the way you felt with them far more than the death
of your loved one.
Strive to
remember the good qualities and happy times that you had and when holidays
come up instead of hurting and shutting the world out make a point to invite
someone over or go over to their house. Allow yourself to enjoy loving
and being loved by others. Reach out and seek to help someone else
who is hurting or sad. Holidays are a great time to go visiting nursing
homes or hospitals. Maybe someone in the church needs someone to
be there for them too. You might not be the only one who is hurting from
the loss of a loved one. Look around you and try to find someone
who is lonely or going through a hard time too. Comforting someone
else will bring comfort to your own heart.
Don't
expect unrealistic expectations of yourself. If many months have
gone by or even a year and you still are hurting don't be hard on yourself.
Some people get over things quickly and others need more time. Take
whatever time you need to work through your grief and don't allow other
people to tell you how to feel. They are not you! Only you
and the Lord will know how you feel and allow your true feelings to be
your real strength as the Lord guides you. Phony expressions, and
assurances that you're always fine when you're not, will only lengthen
your inner healing. Be real and honest with your emotions.
Have you ever heard the expression, "Honesty is the best policy!" Well
it happens to be true and that means being honest with yourself as well.
Now is a good time to remember that the Lord has a purpose for you to go
on living and to consider a new direction for your life. Self motivation
and the will to seek prayer is healing to your inner self and
spiritual life. Ask yourself if going for walks along the sea shore
or through some woods could be helpful and then do it. Immerse yourself
in nature and strive to be as kind to your body as possible. Fresh air
is the best thing to renew inner life and coping skills. When you
do go for a walk make sure to look out at the trees and sky instead down
at the ground. If you have a window near by go and force yourself to look
out at the sky and trees. Too many people during the grieving process
tend to look down and this is so unhealthy as well a depressing.
Looking out at life can give you a better feeling about yourself as well
as cheer you up.
Draw within
yourself the courage to go on. Shore and strengthen up your prayer
life by sharing all of your feeling and emotions with your Heavenly Father.
He really wants to hear from you and together work through all of this
hurt. Strive to build up your faith by getting deeper into knowledge
of the Bible. Listen to bible cassette tapes, watch Godly videos
and generally surround yourself with spirit filled Christian friends.
All of this will go along way in helping to bring about inner emotional
healing.
Sooner
or later you will find out that you have reached a turning point and that
life is again beautiful. You will in time feel that you really can
take joy in living again. Everything that you have been going through
can be an opportunity for spiritual growth. Look to find meaning
in your suffering so that in time you will be able to help someone else
going through the save kind of experience. You can help yourself
when helping others by becoming an over comer.
When the time
comes allow yourself to be happy. This is not betrayal of the one
who has passed on but renews a sense of purpose and well-being in your
life. Your experience is immeasurable in it's value as you in time
strive to move on with your life.
You are never
alone in the things that you have been experiencing. God is always
with you! He sees your hurts and through the Holy Spirit helps minister
to you. The Lord has never once stopped loving you nor stopped seeing
the depth of your loss. I believes in you and know that you are stronger
than you realize that you are. You can and will make it! Life
will get better and in time you will feel some real healing in your heart.
Take the time that you need and allow yourself to get closer to the Lord.
He's close to you already.
John 10:27-30
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And
I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall
any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them
me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's
hand. I and my Father are one.
If you're
hurting why don't you write me a letter and tell me what's happened
in your life and share what's on your heart. I care and will
listen! I also encourage you to speak to a Pastor your church about
your situation. The main thing is knowing that you are not alone,
that the Lord is with you. Email
Diana
Please share
this ministry with your Pastor and church family. I'm an Evangelist
who works Inter denominationally for all churches. Maybe someday
we will be able to come and minister at your church. Have them ask
for our Ministry Brochure.
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